Aqua-Soft ForumsThe US Government has issued an all points bulletin regarding 'Truth'.
Officials suspect a brain altering drug present in the air called 'Truth', which may lead to free speech and open dialog. All aspects of 'Truth' should be immediately reported to your local authorities. They fear that if this epidemic overcomes America, they may lose control.
As of this report, thousands of cases of 'Truth' have been reported where the people did not listen to their government and began speaking in literal terms. Goverment spokesmen say this is highly dangerous as it may get you killed by either law officers or vengeful conservatives who fear this 'Truth'.
Pat Boonyan®, of the 'Center for Shutting People the f*** Up' said late tuesday that "We tried to scare them with WOMD's, then we tried SARS. Hell, we even stooped so low as to break coverage of Operation Steal Iraq to show some kid shooting his principal. Apparently, it is getting harder for us to lie to the American People. They know TOO much. This 'Truth' is a dangerous enemy." After this report, however, Mr. Boonyan was unavailable for further questioning due to sudden death caused by the Presidents boot in his ass.
"We cannot have our own government admitting we lie. Them's the reasons we doin' stuff. We gotta..um...(smiles fakely)...do other stuff." President Bush said. "This here 'Truth' is a threat to american freedom and I will not stand by and watch my...err..I mean, their rights taken away."
The President has also appointed Senator Wilbur ****moonch®, of Alabama, to the newly formed 'National Quick, distract them while I plunder!'. "He will be a beacon of light. A new thing to help us with this stuff." Said VP **** Cheney, right before he had another heart attack. After treatment for his condition, Hospital spokesman Ronnie McDugenhiem said that the electrodes were working fine and that the VP will return to hiding very soon.
At last report, over 80% of Americans were believed to know about 'Truth', however, only 2% do something about it.
Albert Ronald, of the multinational group 'No, REALLY! They're LYING TO YOU!!!' said that "Presently, the rest of the world has been overcome with 'Truth' and learned how to deal with it in rational ways. They live in harmony with it. The problem lies in Americas stubbornness to accept it and use it to their advantage."
Soon after our talk with Mr. Ronald, however, he was overcome with the extremely common 'Money' and quickly recovered from 'Truth'.
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Editors note: We here at the 'Bought out by the government thru a subsidiary christian coalition' newspaper hereby denie all reports of 'Truth'. Future references in our paper to 'Truth' shall be summarily denied and immediately followed by distraction techniques.
Hey, look over there!!! ---------------------->
