If Microsoft made cars

I think you guys will appreciate this...

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If BMW had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, BMW issued a press release stating: If BMW had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

The thing is... it's soo true.

#253598

haha thats awesome... but im pretty sure the mac car would work on all roads

#253603

Not all.. and it'd cost much more.

#253607

HAHAA that was hilarious... good read

#253615

haha very interesting, thanks for sharing Acaeris

#253617

thats great and so true! lol

#253642

lmao~

truth spoken

#253646

LMFAO... that is one of the funniest things I have read in a while... so true, and so very funny. Thanks a lot man

#253647

love this joke. thanks.

#253653

I read that while listening to It's All About the Pentiums.

But then again for the mac car you could get an Engine Emulator to make it work on all roads.

And when you get in the car it wouldn't let you use it untill you say your name then your password, except you would have to try at least 3 times...

#253654

Haha, that's hilarious....good post.

#253656

Thats quite old...

But it's still funny as hell! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Last time it was GM who answered MS

I think Bill Gates just don't get it....

#253676

haha thats awesome... but im pretty sure the mac car would work on all roads

It would work - but you would only be able to use it on smaller and completely incompatible roads.

#253677

t would work - but you would only be able to use it on smaller and completely incompatible roads.

It's like when you arrive with a Porshe or a Ferrari on a speed bump!

#253680

this one just gets funnier every time someone tells it. yeah.

#253746

lol, *i want one of those cars*

#253763

If MS made cars and yours wouldn't do what you want it to do, you'd be surrounded by 'experts' in no time with useful hints like:

"Turn it off, open all doors and hatches, close all and start again"

"Turn it over and then back on its wheels again, that always helps mine"

"Riding it once a month around the block with the hand brakes drawn helps it to repair itself"

"No wonder it wouldn't work: Look at the dirt on the carpet! Clean your carpet! Don't let anything on that carpet! Oh my god look at the size of the carpet!" (or some other analogy to the registry)

"Who on earth drives a car with only 400 horse powers these days? You need at least 2,000 to drive around that corner. Look at these guys from UPS - they all have 10,000 hp."

"It's a car. It's made to crawl. You can't possibly expect it to fly. No, that spoiler does not count as a wing. You would need a pair of them. Having a diesel engine is not really helpful either. Yes I think its because diesel has less octane than straight gas."

"Maybe it loses weight if you paint it black."

"Just remove that windscreen if it gets too hot. I read it's no use anyway. In that magazine of theirs."

"Why don't you just buy a boat? They float much better. I also heard they don't sink that often."

#253841

If Microsoft made cars, Aqua Soft would be an episode of "Pimp My Ride."

#253875

If Microsoft made cars, Aqua Soft would be an episode of "Pimp My Ride."

Man, that would be so awesome. Can you imagine Seph or Unbe trying to pimp something?

#253882

This is one of the better jokes I've heard lately

#253909

Casanova.

*sadface*

#253911

i emailed my dad a copy of that post and i hope you don't mind, he's bringing it in to his job tomorrow. i did say who posted it fyi.

EDIT: and of course i mean the first post.

#253924

That's OK, I got it by e-mail from a friend of mine in the first place, it's one of those jokes that goes around the web in several incarnations as has been pointed out already.

Addition: "Linux would be the Arctic Lorry of the roads, full of accessories but only a select few know how to drive one"

#253977